When I do a "life at our home" post, that's when the truth really comes out and you're going to get a whole lot of truth today. This post has been written and deleted, written and deleted, and written and deleted again. It's a post I wish that I never had to write. I've taken an unintended break from blogging. Life at our home was turned upside down. In July I got a phone call from my mom telling me that she had breast cancer. As she was talking to me that day I felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me. I really couldn't catch my breath. The days and weeks that followed have been filled with doctors appointments, tests, hospital stays and lots of fear. Helping my dad and caring for my mom is the reason for my absence here (and everywhere else). Mom started chemo and was hit with a serious illness that resulted in her spending weeks in the hospital. I won't go into details about my mom's diagnosis, that's not my story to tell.
I will tell you my story. My mom is my best friend. Her diagnosis has been devastating to me. I have so many emotions: fear, anger, sadness, hope, strength, love, and comfort. It seems as though I've felt all of those emotions within minutes of each other (sometimes in the same minute). I wish I could say that I have a constant feeling of comfort and security. The reality is, whenever I need comfort or security or reassurance, I always go to my mom. As I've watched my mom face this challenge I've been amazed at her
strength, fearlessness, and courage. She's facing many weeks of
treatments, surgery, and then more treatments and has faced her challenges thus far with courage! Her mantra has always been "be brave." Not long after mom's diagnosis she gave me this necklace. I love having this constant reminder that I can be brave through this, I can!
Not too long after mom's diagnosis I was visiting with my uncle. He told me:
"pay attention to what you learn during this time." I think of this conversation with him almost daily. I believe there is something that I need to learn during this time. I've already learned many things. I've learned who my support system is. I've learned to rely on the doctors and nurses to care for my mom. (That's not easy for me. I would really like to be in control of the situation.) I've learned that I HAVE to focus on the positive, always. Being consumed by the negative news and situation isn't helpful. I've learned that I need to focus on the facts (not the "what if's" and what might happen). AND I need to do what is best for my mom.
Moving forward, I'm doing my best to take care of myself, my family and my mom. I have struggled with my health since this all began and am still struggling to stay on top of things. I'm careful to get lots of rest these days. I'm sure there will be (more) time that I will be away from my scrapbooking/blogging obligations. I work for and with an amazing group of people that have been so amazing to let me take the time I needed to take care of my family while my mom was sick. I spent weeks away from my computer. I didn't even touch a pretty piece of paper for over a month.
Now that I'm getting back into the creative swing of things, I created this layout:
During the weeks that my mom was hospitalized I took very few photos. Most of those photos will never be shared publicly but I did have this one photo that has a very specific story to tell. Actually, I will probably scrapbook this photo to tell many stories of that week. The story chose to tell today is this one:
As our clan was walking from one hospital to another for lunch I had a moment where I stood back and was so grateful for that moment. Even though mom was still very sick I felt so appreciative of this time that we had together, with my mom. This time is the (one of the) hardest times our family has ever been through BUT it has also been a time that I've been so grateful for the small, tender, happy moments.
Thanks for stopping by today, and thank you for sticking with me through my absence here on my blog. ~Becki
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